Recently I met up with a friend, and we spoke about an individual she is currently awed by. She ranted on for hours and hours about how different he is. And all that talk gave me inspiration to write something as if I were in her head. It is also partially inspired by the views a read on a fellow bloggers page. And this is what I came up with.
You are a probably the first person in my adult life that has approached me with the idea of being friends, just friends. It is a bizarre idea in this world where dating sites and social networking sites are treated as potential mate finding grounds. It was refreshing with the clarifications you kept giving (and keep giving). You were vulnerable in a sense when you said that you never want to lose me, and for that you could do anything to keep me in your life. You come across as a very strong personality, who apparently everyone is a fan of. But then I guess the more you got talking to me, you probably realized how different we are. And the nights you spent away, not in contact, were probably the most excruciating for you.
“All day I could talk to you and listen to your voice” – you keep telling me that. But it’s YOUR voice and the void that YOU leave in me that’s making me yearn for for YOU. The distance seems unbearable, and I wish I could teleport myself to you. From what I hear and see, you are like a big teddy bear and I would love to be enveloped into your arms. When I imagine being scooped up into your arms in seconds, my heart skips a beat. Talking to you is fun, because I tease you and you get teased. I always believed the brazen and loud-mouthed boys are the most shy, and you proved it. Listening to you get nervous is gratifying in a sense that I can make you feel all of that, that I am capable of arising these extreme feelings in you. But you are a boy and a girl talking to you like that has got to have uncomfortable effects on you. But the assurance that you could start afresh whenever I want is consoling.
Not being blatant is what you should genetically be, according to the meaning of your name, and that is what you are. You show to the world that you are this macho, strong-headed alpha male, but what you really are is a soft hearted teddy bear, one that I could hold onto forever, hug you when you feel sad, and continue hugging you so that you could feel the warmth of my heart, brushing aside the coldness of the world you know. I want to be the one that you can lay your head on when you feel the world closing in on you. I want to be the one you think of when things go bad. I want to be the positivity, the reason why you want to finish what you start. I want to be the reason for reform that you so deep within want to bring about. I want to be that voice you want to hear in the deepest of jungles, in the wildest of dreams, in the farthest of lands. I want to be the kindness you desire, I want to be the truth, the purity, that unadulterated love that you seek. Somehow I want to be everything you want.
I do not know what is in store for us. I do not know why we came together. I do not know why you felt an affinity to me (it was probably the alcohol “you should never talk to a guy when he is drunk” and the subsequent explanations of how careful you get when you are drunk, the inhibitions you expressed without the fear of judgment. I wanted to hold you right then and hold your face in my hands and look into your eyes and tell you are a wonderful person, a “cute heart”, your statements time and again convince me of this fact. I want to tell you, I will be there for you, whenever you need me, I want to tell you, the world will seem less cold when we feel each other’s warmth. I want to hug you every time you say something adorable, and I want to catch those statements and freeze them in the panes of time.
Very few individuals have a lasting impact on me inspite of the fact that I learn from all. But you are a person that continues to be a mystery to me, who pulls my leg and relishes my discomfort, but starts to get nervous once I reciprocate. You start to get goose bumps and I freaked you out on more than one occasion. But now as we settle down to a comfort zone, as we start to get comfortable with each other, as we carry us to the next level, as we visualize “US” considering we haven’t even seen each other, let me just say, I love you, in a crazy sense that makes me want to hate you, in a sense that makes me wish things were perfect in the world, that we were free to make our own choices, that we could grow old in each other’s arms, that there wasn’t anything worldly about the world, in a sense that turns my world upside down.
