Who am I??

Introductory conversations with new acquaintances can be very exciting especially when I ask the questions. I know how to build rapport, just an art I have mastered over years of observing people get uncomfortable. So I ask the oft-asked-oft expected questions. So what do you do, what is your family like, any siblings.. etc. Once they are comfortable enough roles reverse and I am the one on the witness stand, and boy do I love talking about myself, not because I am self-obsessed (which a few may think that I am) but just because my history is intriguing. If only I lost a little weight everytime someone asked me these questions I would be a size zero today!

“Are you Maharashtrian?” I get asked, because I speak Marathi.

“No..”

“Punjabi?”, because I am fair, and I have long hair.

“Noooo.. I am Divya NAIDU!”

“Ooo.. South Indian???”

“Aa.. not quite.. Dad is South Indian.”

“Really? From??”

“Umm.. from Chennai.”

“So where is Mum from then?” they ask intrigued.

“Umm, she is from Mangalore..”

“O then they are both South Indians na? So that makes u South Indian as well!” they say so matter-of-
factly.

“Umm, not exactly, you see Dad has settled in Tamil Nadu, though his ancestors are from Andhra. Mum
on the other hand is born and brought up in Mumbai. So she is just Mumbaite.” I educate them.

“Ooo.. So you must speak Telegu or Tamil?” the next logical question.

“Neither actually. Dad speaks both. Mom could not, she speaks Konkani, so they stuck to the universal language – English. But i can understand Konkani..”

“Hmm.. so was it a love marriage?” they ask, part surprised, part investigating, part hoping to say ‘i knew it’.

“Umm I don’t know really, Mum Dad never told me.. though come to think of it, it’s quite possible because dad lived in Mumbai a considerable while before he married mum..” I reply to the wanna-be Sherlocks.

“Hmm.. Interesting... “, they reply disappointed, “But you know u don’t look South Indian at all..”


“Yea, that’s because as dad says ‘thank God you have your mothers looks and my brains’.. “ to which they all laugh as if according to script.

This is by far how most of my introductory conversations go.

But the funniest explanation that I ever gave was at an interview. It was a stress interview, at 5 am, and to top it all without any sleep. I was the last candidate, they were exhausted and so was I.

They asked the mandatory question.. “So are you South Indian?”

And I blurted out, “No, I am a crossbreed!!”

“What!!??” they said in chorus, they could not believe their ears, and “What!!” I could not believe mine either!!

“You are a what?” they chuckled.

“A crossbreed!! What?!!” I interjected.

Well I continued with the above explanations, amidst their guffawing not realising what was funny. Only later did I realise that dogs can be crossbreeds, vegetation can be crossbreeds, but humans –naah, not really!

Since then I just stick to this reply.. “I am Indian”, the safest and the least controversial reply..

Ummm.. or is it??

Aaa.. whatever.. Jai Bharat!!