My renewed existance

I have no idea why I am here today after ages. Ok maybe I do know.. I am not facebook! After about 4 years of being so social.. of never being able to stay away from fb, of making it possible to access it even when I am mobile through my smart phone.. i decided yesterday on an impulse to deactivate my account. Its the first time EVER. i have stayed away in the past but NEVER deactivated my account.
It was an impulse, for all you know i may reactivate it today itself. But i am in such a melancholic mood, i have absolutely no wish! I have no desire. I wish to vanish.. not speak or communicate.. to become an illusion.

Yesterday also an impulse i decided to start on an early morning walk. It is probably sparked and fuelled by the fact that my in laws say I've put on weight. Its something i just cannot bear! after working so hard pre marriage to only put it on because of my weakness for junk. I have got to get back to the way i was pre marriage.

SO inspite of an exhaustive travel yesterday from chennai, i kept the alarm for 5.30 am. and surprisingly i woke up! it was a relief.
6 am, durga tekdi, the biting cold, loneliness! PERFECT. No phone as well. Not carrying the phone was because i did not want to contaminate my nature's walk with technology. for that reason there was no music buzzing in my ears as well.

Durga Tekdi - the place where i have been as an innocent child, a naughty teenager and now a been-there-done-that married woman, ive been there with different intentions, but today here now, all i could think was to reach the top, revel in the tranquility. And it was splendid. the moon was still high up in the sky.. the sun hadnt risen then.,, the sight of the city below, its lights glowing like little glow worms in the dark.. the sparse crowd... this was what i had come for...

This short walk was rewarding, though not at the tekdi, but rather as i approached home. I gasped out loud as I saw the rising sun after ages, hiding among the trees and the buildings, granting only sneek peeks. Resplendant! Rising! Rejoicing! Red! like the red bindi i sport as a young married Indian woman. What a coincidence. What a way for the sun to welcome me back to the real world. to the world away from facebook (though it was world i also loved)

My husband asked me yesterday all concerned - if there's no fb what are you going to do??!!!! i had no idea then. Now? maybe i do. i think maybe i will live. without supplements to my existance...


PS - im still connected to the online world eh.. via my blog .. i know! hardly a day and looks like i found a new addiction already ;)